Gr’opper Nookie
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Out of a desire to keep a family-friendly tone to this site, I have been forced to completely change the writeup for today’s photo, without any mention of the s-e-x word. The new writeup goes as follows:
The gr’opper on top is garrotting the gr’opper on the bottom to death.
The gr’opper on top belongs to an elite caste of geisha ninja gr’oppers and has spent years of her life honing her body into a living weapon. It is said they can pass unseen through crowds, run tirelessly for hours, and wait motionless for days until their unsuspecting prey passes by. Then they drop from above dealing swift death with exotic weapons, secret poisons, or even their bare hands. In this photo, the assassin gr’opper is wearing ashiko, or foot claws. This weapon was thought for years to be only a tool for climbing, but as you can clearly see here they are also useful in helping the assassin maintain a solid grip on her prey as she slowly throttles the life out of him.
The gr’opper underneath is the self-styled “Daimyo” Inago-sama, one of the infamous “grasshoppeer underlords” of Tokyo’s inner-city crime rings. Inago-sama is the bad guy here. He was single-handedly responsible for running larva-labor sweatshops throughout Japan and Thailand, and also had a major influence in the Black Flag smuggling industry. It is estimated that over a third of all recreational insecticide usage in Tokyo is supplied by this gr’opper and his connections.
Okay, okay, I gotta draw the line there. It’s one thing to sanitize the facts and another thing entirely to just make crap up. Here’s what you gotta know about this photo:
- The gr’opper on top is actually male.
- The gr’opper on bottom is actually female.
- They are doing it.
Blógünder Schlock » Blog Archive » InsectPOD - They All Look Like Aliens To Me said,
October 2, 2007 @ 9:28 pm
[…] be careful, though. Dave has been known to gloss over some ugly truths here and there. Explore posts in the same categories: Random Linkage, […]
Kestralyn said,
October 3, 2007 @ 7:07 am
I never thought I’d laugh so hard at a picture of Gr’opper nookie! You just made my morning. Good story, too!
Solarn said,
October 5, 2007 @ 12:55 pm
Just making crap up has been a long-standing tradition when one shows a picture they are not allowed to make a proper caption to. Therefore, I applaud your story. Also, I laugh at it. Hard.
The Writer said,
October 5, 2007 @ 7:58 pm
I haven’t laughed as hard at a post in months as I did at this one. It was awesome. Soon as I get a minute I’m linking to it from my blog. Very nice job.
David Brady said,
October 5, 2007 @ 8:26 pm
The Writer: Thank you, and welcome!
Phaedrus said,
October 8, 2007 @ 3:42 pm
You sick, sick person. You’ve just created an indelible connection between good ol’ wholesome nookie and mindless violence in the minds of an entire generation of impressionable young Web-savvy grasshoppers. The flames of hell are no laughing matter, you know.
*giggle* *snort*
Ferret said,
July 12, 2008 @ 6:41 pm
i have one at home and it was in the rocks and it was a grasshopper. what kind was it
David Brady said,
July 12, 2008 @ 6:46 pm
@Ferret: Hi!
Without identification details or a photo, the best I can do is tell you it’s probably a grasshopper.
It’s sort of like saying “There was this guy. Do you know who he is?”
What does your gr’opper look like? What is it doing? Do you notice anything distinct about it? You can observe a lot just by watching.